zHaNE

Ang Song for my Oppressors

2006-09-06T04:22:00.000-07:00

Ang Song for my Oppressors

Mood: Rebelious
Music: Bend d Truth- LP
Food: d hell y r u asking me?
Anger: 110%
LimitTemp: 99%
Cool: 0%
Inspiration: Mike S.
Quote: Bading

I cannot take this anymore
I'm saying everything I've said before
All these words they make no sense
I find bliss in ignorance
Less I hear the less you say
You'll find that out anyway
Just like before

Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
'Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
I'm about to break

I find the answers aren't so clear
Wish I could find a way to disappear
All these thoughts they make no sense
I've found bliss in ignorance
Nothing seems to go away
Over and over again
Just like before

Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
'Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
I'm about to break

Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
'Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
I'm about to break

Shut up when I'm talking to you
Shut up
Shut up
Shut up
Shut up when I'm talking to you
Shut up
Shut up
Shut up
I'm about to break

Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
'Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
I'm about to break

Everything you say to me
Takes me one step closer to the edge
And I'm about to break
I need a little room to breathe
'Cause I'm one step closer to the edge
I'm about to break

Excited for September's Coming

2006-09-03T05:01:00.001-07:00

Excited for September's Coming

Mood: Excited and Happy
Music: L.O.V.E. - Ashlee
Food: Yet to be served

Yes, yes, yes, I had a sudden change of mood after my last nasty update. Well its a result of what I felt around me and yeah its normal everybody has this kind of experience. Demo I don't regret it cause it only proves my real existance in this world. That I can feel hate. hurt, and anger. So don't make me angry cause you wouldn't like it if I'm angry.

Anyway, I'm pretty happy today just thinking about my girl will arrive soon. I just can't stop thinking about it. A box, a bag, some bubble wrap, and walla! There goes my girl... lying on bubble wraps, naked. Oh!!! >.< My small peice of heaven will finally come true very soon and I can't wait to get my hands on it.
For the last few weeks of sleepless nights thinking about how she will look like with the clothes I have for her. Dressing her, fixing her hair, cuddling her beside me. Man the waiting is killing me! I wish she's here now with me, but I have to be patient and wait. I need to work hard on her and its just a few weeks more to wait before Hope will order her at DOD. On the mid of September is the exact time of her order day and its just weeks away. She almost have the money but she needs to save up more so it kind of extended but its okay. I don't want to pressure her though cause if I do she'll get sick on it and she won't be able to save much.
And yeah that's wats happening about my dollie. Yes, i need to wait more but its a few blocks away and its really comming! ^_^

Anyway, while exploring YouTube I came pass with this awesome video parody of Kadaj. Yeah another of FF7 Acs parodies made by fans but this one is a must to watch!!! Kinda gayish No REAL GAY VIDEO! Kadaj fans must watchi this vid and FF7 AC fans too... anyway here's the vid enjoy!:

That's it for today. Need keep this up cause I'm poor at updating heheheh... though I'm always at the computer 24 hours straight none stop all day long... Adict!!! hehe

>_< Get away From Me!

2006-09-01T19:51:00.000-07:00

>_< Get Away From Me!

Mood: Super Pissed!
Music: Figure.09 - Linkin Park
Food: NO FOOD!

Does anybody here know how to make a duplicate of myself cause I had enough with the people around me! >_< If you want perfect people well guess what I'M NOT!!! Don't force me to be what you wanted to see. Don't blame me with all the mistakes cause you have yours too. I'm not what you think I am I may be faking myself in front of you but that is just becuase you force me to.

I had enough with all the lies and pretendings. You don't know what's it like to be me. You only think about what you feel and your selfish enough not to bother mine. You always point a finger at me but you don't see that ur pointing back to urself aswell. I'm trying my best to reach ur standards to make your life better. You wanted me to be someone you can measure and use everytime you want, but I'm breaking away. I don't want to be caught up with your plans cause I know soon you'll leave me alone at the end.

I'm finding my way back away from you. Everytime I had my own ideas you always oppose them and steal my right of happiness. Your eyes fixed on me watching second by second move after move waiting for my fall cause every step that I make is another mistake to you. You don't know the more you try to change me the more I become someone you can't comprihend. The more you push them more I'm pulling away. I want to get out of your fucking world!

And I know I may end up failing too, but I know you were just like me with something disapointing in you. I've become so numb. I can't feel anything anymore. I hate you more. Fuck get out of my life so I can live alone happy than being with you angry.

I HATE YOU! GET THE HELL OUT OF MY LIFE YOU!!! I DESPISE YOU!!! STOP NAGGING AT ME TELLING ME WHAT'S RIGHT OR WORNG CUASE YOUR ONLY LEADING ME TO HELL!!!

No Subject

2006-08-11T23:07:00.000-07:00

No Subject

Mood: Plain
Music: Nelly F - Turn of the Light
Food: Nilaga for lunch

1. Where were you 5 hours ago?
- Living room watching TV

2. Who are you in love with?
- God

3. what song are you listening to?
- Nelly Furtado - Turn off he light

4. Is there anything pink within 10 ft of u?
- the bed sheets

5. When is the last time you went to the mall?
- That was 10 ago I guess

6. Are you wearing socks right now?
- Nope

7. Do you have a car worth over 2M?
- I'm still an ordinary student...

8.When was the last time you went out of town?
- Maybe 5 months ago

9. Have you been to the movies in the last 5 days?
- Nope. Though we prefer watching movies at home with my family

10. Are you hot?
- Yeah. It's freakin HOT RIGHT NOW! O_O

11. What was the last thing you had to drink?
- Nope

12. What are you wearing right now?
- A white shirt and black pants

14. Last food that you ate?
- Nilaga

15. Where were you last weekend?
- AT home..

16. Have you bought any clothing items in the last week?
- err no

17. When is the last time you ran?
- Just a while ago, while fetching some water from the refrigirator.

18. What's the last sporting event you watched?
- volleyball at channel 5

19. What is your favorite class?
- Computer Class!!! ^_^

20. Your dream vacation?
- To go on an old place like a historical castle o something...

21. owner of the house you were in last?
- mommy daddy

22. How old are your parents?
- 52 both

23. Have you been in love?
- Yes to Jesus

24. Do you miss anyone right now?
- none

25. Last stageplay you saw?
- Two days ago... Speech competition

27.What are your plans for tonight?
- Nothing.

28. Who is the last person you sent a friendster message or testimonial?
- No one cause our school banned students from owningf friendster accounts

29. Next trip you are going to take?
- tomorrow church

30. Ever gone to a camping?
- last month... our student teen's retreat

31. Were you an honor roll student in school?
- NO! Damn no!

32. What do you want to know about the future?
- My future husband

33. Are you wearing any perfume or cologne?
- NO...

34. Are you hungry??
- Nope

35. Where is your best friend?
- Earth... talking to me right now

36. Who is/are your best friend(s)?
- Jesus, Kristiene, and Marissa

37. Do you have a tan line?
- yup...

38. How old do you want to be when you have kids?
- Kahit ngayon na eh.

39. Do you collect anything?
- Yeah anime stuffs

40. Who is the biggest gossiper you know?
- Kristine Joseph

41. Last time you got stopped by a cop or pulled over?
- Never.

42. have you ever drank your soda from a straw?
- Yeah. Who hasn't?

43. How do you like your drinks?
- Cold. Ice cold.

44. Do you like hot sauce?
- nope

45. Do you need to do laundry?
- No!

46. What is your heritage?
- Jesus

47. Are you rich?
- Yeah... cause I'm a daughter of a King

Pierrot Layout!

2006-08-03T06:44:00.000-07:00

Pierrot Layout! ^_^

Mood: Satisfied
Music: Linkin park - Runaway
Food: Pizza yummy!

Another layout request. Main Color White. Entry Block Violet. Main theme: Pierrot. Title: WCC. Brushes are Plastic and Techno. Layout designed by zHaNE.

Now if you want a customized layout such as this I can be of help if you want. Recently I have open a commission service for layout customizations and I'm earning much for this hobby. For more details please visit my website @ www.cyrillezhane.blogspot.com.

I really don't have anything more to say just respect everything here and NO STEALING or I'll call Pierrot to hunt you down! Enjoy, smile, and peace out! =^o^=

God Bless!!!

New Layout!

2006-07-13T19:15:00.000-07:00

New Layout!

Mood: Cool
Music: Drive - Incubus
Food: Fried eggs and hotdogs

Yay! I have a new layout again hehe... Well, as u can obviously see this layout is Fay inspired... I like Fay though he could be annoying sometimes when he calls names but anyway I think that's the reason why I like him... hehe... Also my bestfriend has a big crush on Fay, I'll see to it she'll be really jelous on this layout.. BUAHHAHAH!!! Echos lang!

Anyway, my previous blog layouts are still existing and u can find them on my navigation num# .03 just in case u like to view them again...

Currently I'm trying to make a Cloud AMV tribute... I've once failed making one and I had enough of being dumb... I really don't have the motivation to type anything here... I'll soaked and sucked. Guess I'm pretty tired...

Thanks for reading! God Bless people peace out!

A Package Arrive! Two actually ^_^

2006-06-17T03:44:00.000-07:00

A Package Arrived! Two actually ^_^

Mood:Happy and Excited!
Music: I could be the one - Stacie Orrico
Food: Amplaya! My fave! YUM!

Just as soon I came home tired and down with stress (well not really) my brother surprised me with a BIG grin and declares, ~Shane! I have a surprise for you!! But, you must pay me 70 pesos first before you can claim your price!!!~ I twitched my browse, ~WTF? Spew it out *jerk*~ (Good thing I don’t have the guts to call him like that or else I’ll be digging out my own grave by now O_O) Immediately, he throws out two envelopes tucked inside his shirt and answers rather excitedly, ~Packages! You have packages!~ Well I’ll be damned! All along I thought those packages were lost completely! I really don’t know what to say I was speechless and my only response was a faint ~thanks~. Without showing further expression I simply grab the envelopes and brought it to my computer desk. ~These were supposed to be delivered last month.

I’m surprise it got here together with the replacement. And why the hell would I pay you 70 pesos for it huh?!~ I asked insolently as I scrutinize both packages. ~Well, all along your package was sitting on the post office. They forgot to deliver it along with their other mails before they could even notice it. Too bad the blamed is on us and I have to pay for the extra effort they did for re-sending it.~ ~It’s not fair!!! It’s their fault. Why are they charging the blame on us?! Their soo unfair!!~ I raged on fire though I can’t do anything about it right now all I know is that the packages arrive safely and I have to take pictures of it to show to the Taylor who made it for me as a confirmation. As I was writing a feedback message for her on DOA I was completely embarrassed or rather guilty with the results of our waiting angst. We thought the package was completely lost in the mail and with that idea she sent me another package as a replacement with the lost one. Therefore surprisingly I end up receiving both packages at the end and it’s all because of the Post Office’s fault! Actually they were apologizing about it for the delay but not to me!

They should go to the one who sent it and apologize for interpreting a wrong idea but if only it would be possible. Now, I really feel guilty! I feel like cheating to the person making her send two packages for my own benefit. The blame all goes to me now and the responsibility of saying the apologies are in shoulders. Oh how I wish it were truly lost and have the replacement received instead! I was burdened but I said my sorry and told her everything about it and luckily I didn’t receive any negative response as I expected to from her. She told me that there was nothing to worry about and she was happy that the package did arrive safe and sound to me. Actually, she even have the clothes randomly selected so if ever the first package turns up at least I would have different designs and not end up having duplicate ones. Oh isn’t she sooo nice!!! Well I’m happy to meet a friend like her on DOA… She’s such a kind person. She even set a thread where she offers free newbie packs for first timer BJD owners like me! Her kindness never limits on boundaries… She’s sooo kind!!!!! I love her sooo much!!!!!!!!! Well yeah I’m sooo happy! Hehe… Well can’t wait for the doll itself! ^.^ I just don’t know what to response if I’m going to have her as now! Whoa that would be awesome! Thank you Lord for making my packages arrive safe… thanks! ^_^

Happy! Happy! Happy! WOOSTA! ~zHaNE

Bunos Pics: EnJoI!

2006-06-10T01:45:00.000-07:00

Jesus make me love you again...

Mood:Weak... I feel weak nwdys..
Music: Bent - Matchbox 20
Food: Ok from what I remember I only eat once a day since last month so in other words... mmm I dunno I forgot! ^^;;;

I feel so stressed nowadays... in many ways. Since school is starting tomorrow! My mind cannot seem to concieve the truth in my surroundings. Reminiscing everything from the past I remember I was the usual Jesus Flocker kid, the "Obnoxious kid of Jesus Flock Academy" (If I am going to name myself back then). Everytime I take my first steps to school I was always accompanied with ugly names such as "NEGRA!" and "PANGET!" But I said to myself "I couldn't cry that easily". I was the type of kid that cannot be put down by anything even with a thousand arrows thrown at me for my destruction 'cause I knew I was strong. I never let anyone dominate me nor even take authority over me I have my own rules and regulations... for me I was GOD and I worship my own majesty.
But, the walls I've built never lasted. My kingdom soon fell apart before me and the army I've set as my protection has simply turn back and left me to dusk.

And I was alone. I realized that no one needs nor wants me no more... I offered new friendship but no one seems to be interested with me. Then I begun to question myself, "Why was I not like this? Why am I like this? Why is my color like this? Why do I look like this? Why are they loved? Why was I not loved?" or maybe... "Why am I not perfect?" Then the word "God" came to me as I remember the source of my existance and with great deal I shouted above the heavens saying, "Lord why did you make me into something unwated? Why me... Why ME?!"
There was no answer but only the stillness of my room responded. But then again I was not shaken I knew I was strong. Why would I be down? The blame must not all go to me alone. I didn't choose this path. They were the ones who forced me to fight. I was just trying to protect myself. My Kingdom was a result of their domination... Whom in this world wanted to be persicuted? No ONE...

Upon with what I believed I rested on this idea and gradually I didn't know I was building up walls again... Also the assualts of my enemies continued and again yeah I was "strong" as I remarked to myself. This cycle repeated itself over and over again in the days of my childhood. One thing I knew though... IT IS ALL NORMAL... Everything is fine and it's just the nature of this world. If the presence of good is present therefore the absence of evil is false. All of it was just a game to me since I was a child then and was not mindful of the truth on this diseased world. When there's a winner there is always a loser... At this game I play the loser and I always believe that one day I'll be on top and claim my victory...

but, what if I don't?

As I recall the famous filipino story of Juan Dela Cruz ~I'm not sure if he's really the writer though~ entitled "Juan Tamad" my brothers will always pattern me with Juan. I'm lazy... I don't do household chores since I'm not taught to... I always get everything I want with a snap of a finger without placing an effort on it... Alagang Yaya kasi ako eh so I'm spoiled which makes me ill-manered on everything that displeases to me. Selfish? Yes I am up until now... I posses many unlikable characteristics that a human being wouldn't like in a person. But this filth within me that led people to hate me actually became my weapon from being hurt again...

Now, I'm no child anymore... I am obliged to do what I'm ought to do as a responsible individual. I don't need to be selfish anymore like I use to do and be bossy in my own point of view... but time never seems to grow same as my body have grown. I was left in time battling with my simple philosophy of being strong and being able to reach success without using effort. I saw myself locked up with my own cel... I was striving for freedom but it was too late to even utter my plea... I realized that I never did grow, Im like a lad concealed in an adult's grown up body. I have no outlet of escape. I was traped.

The sadness of my childhood begun... Everybody hated me for who I am. I'm selfish and not perfect. I remember reading a blog entry entitled "A World Full of Plastics". To add up to that for me those plastics sure set a high standard of themselves which makes them one... This worlds is full of standards. Unfortuantely I was not qualified and I never pased their requirements. I was rejected and exiled. No one wanted me nor needed me but once again my pride raged and I was challenged. It's all the game of life I shouldn't take everything seriously...

but my mind wasn't able to calculate the future...

Everytime I go to school I will always see people whispering with their eyes glaring at me with disgust. My ears can sense what their uttering about and their whispers seemed loud in my ear. I cannot contain the loudness! Every word is defeaning. I cannot take it! Gradually my friends all turn back on me leaving me alone... Discrimination, persecution, and lonliness blended in my emotions... I was not loved... During the first years of my highschool life my classmates will always talk about me and they will always shun away from my existance. With uncontainable ugly attention from others my bestfriend soon left me and droped our relationship as friend together. I was alone. I tried to hold on but it was all too much to take... My strong philosophy has reached it's limit. I was about to break down...

until...

there was this voice...

"At last... I found you my child"

Tears fell down from my eyes rolling to my cheeks completely wetting my face. Without physicaly seeing the voice that had called me I knew that it was... Him.

"I've been looking for you since the last time you run away. Are you hurt my child?"

Again, I've heard that word "child" How comforting to hear that word... I thought I was alone ever since. I never knew that there was someone looking for me, searching for me cause I never felt one in a whole 16 years of my life... He picked me up and carried me with his gentle hands. My anger with Him was so constant. Yes, I've hated the Lord in a millions years but He loved me forever... Anger and envy all went away and there was peace in my heart. My sadness was replaced with overflowing love... "Lord why did you love me?" I asked ironically... and He answered... "Because you are mine." I was stunned. I never thought of being important with someone. Never even felt it with my parents cause my parents itself rejected me as their own... But God never did... Why? Why Lord?
With all those shattered pieces of me that I've been picking up alone with my bleeding hands I didn't know God was there helping me... Building me up again out of broken pieces... I was whole again..

There is a wicked man in me
Wanting the wicked man's disease
Fleeting pleasures, but pleasure indeed
Oh Lord, take my envy of these things
And the prideful war within
Take me to the place of sweet surrender

You are, You were, You will always be better!

This is a song of surrender
For whom have I but You?
You are, You are better
Forever so much better than the world
You are my portion (Lord you are...)
You are my portion (my reward...)
You are my portion
My never ending, overflowing Lord
My reward
My reward
My portion, Lord!

You are Lord...

Creator of created things
Greatest personality
No ear has heard, no mind conceived
And though Your Spirit groans in me
And all creation sings of Your return
my feet are slipping, be my help

You are, You were, You will always be better!

NEW LAYOUT ^_^ This time by me! ~^.^

2006-05-31T02:02:00.000-07:00

NEW LAYOUT ^_^ This time by me! ~^.^

Mood:A HATE YOU ALL!!!! *angry*
Music: By Myself (remix) - Linkin Park
Food: I'm not hungry! Stupid! >_<

WAHAHAHAHAHA!!!! I have a new layout!!! Happy Happy Happy ^_^ And the fact that this is my first time making a blog layout (cause websites are different ~I guess ^^;) it just motivates me to do more... rrrr... I'm not satisfied with only one!!!!!!!!!! Hahaha... LoL... visit the layout... www.cyrillezhane-blog03.blogspot.com

Anyway, I'm having my worse day today so I kinda thought of a silly plan to release all this tension that's breaking out inside of me... mmm first here are some list of names of people that just had a nice trip for ripping off my day into pieces... mmm I written them in codes so that YOU can't read it... hehehe... Just being on the safe side. ^_^ *pis*

3562

533739

22766

26435

32339

463 <--- I can't blame you though... but you just break my heart

Ok now that's listed... If ur one of those names or rather codes written above there (not if you could read it O_O) I have something to say to you...

Shut up!!!!!! BITCHES!!!!! I repeat, incase I spelled that wrong... I said. SHUT THE FUCK UP!!!!!!!!!!!!

*takes a deep breath of relief* Haaahhhhh.... Hope that's clear! Or you wanted me to repeat it again? hehehe... I'm feeling more better now... hahahaha... Well no hard feelings tho and don't take this offesive. All human being has there own dirty side and I'm just being true to myself... I don't want to be plastic with my feelings like so many others do cause I'm only gonna be fooling myself. But anyway at least the names are hidden... hehe... ok... I'm a lot more happy now and relieved now that I have that load dischared already... it just sucks!!... hehe... weee!!!!!!! gtg now ok Ciao! ^,^

*runs off to a silver haired dude*

Me: WAH!!! KADAJ!!!!!!!!!!! *huggles*
Kadaj What the? Get off me you!
Me: I love you Kadaj. Marry me!!!! *demands*
Kadaj: Yuck! I like men more u know...
Me: WTF he said?! O_O
Kadaj: *blushes* Rufus!!!
Me: ~ewww!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

KADAJ MANIA manga scans!!!!!!!!!English Translated

2006-05-27T04:39:00.000-07:00

KADAJ MANIA manga scans!!! English Translated =^o^= ~yay!

Mood:Poking at my keybord, I'm rely getting crazy!!
Music: So Sick Love Songs - Ne-Yo
Food: Sinangag and Pechay with fried fish... Oh GOOD! ^.^

Finally, FINALLY! After one night of wait... FiNaLlY I have the scans available right here on my computer! WAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! YEHEY!!!! *applauses in the background* And the good news is they are english translated... HURAH!!! XDDD But the bad news is... it's not complete. U_U ~damn!~ It lasted only 37pics and the others were written in japanese text... *sigh* so in other words BITIN!!!!!!!!!!!! But I think it's ok. At least I have the chance to taste it. wehehehe... and the scans are not that bad at all, I think I got the juciest parts... so I guess I'm not disapointed.

Well as expected this manga contains SUPER! heavy sexual content... mmmm... for me the pairings are nice... I love Rufus and as well Kadaj so I think they get along well together... ~Who's the gay?~ Of coarse that's gonna be Kadaj! Hahaha... Well he really looks girly to me in those scanned pics maybe it was really done on purpose, but anyhow He's cute!!! Really cute!!!... hehe... Actually I can't say much about it since I only got 1/4 of the manga's total... >_< ~rrrr!!!~ I wish it's available here in our country. I want to buy one! And I don't just want scans alone! I want the real one!!! Well, I can't do anything about it right now at least Yazoo's character appears to be cute here... ^.^ *squee~* He seemed like a caring brother. I remember there is one part where Kadaj is having his moments alone blue and Yazoo was there on his rescue... Ohhhhh!!! Isn't that sweet! Gosh, their personalities are sooo OOC compared with the real characters but I don't mind at least my wildest imaginations has finally been satisfied. I've been thinking since then what would it be like to pair two indifferent characters from FF7AC and I guess I finally suceeded although I never thought this much! O_O

Mmmm... the story is kinda complicated to understand since I don't have the complete manga, but I think I'll give it try... The first part was confusing >_> like I was in the middle of a scene where I'm too late to even catch up with what was going on... Elena and Tseng appears on the first part together with the three silver haired men dressed up with fancy girly clothes ~weird O.O~ I think this is when they were in the Northern Crater searching for mother... After that I was fast pace on the next scene where the story alters into a different situation. Now it's the sexy part! Haha... this is the where Rufus and Kadaj having sessions together, I know you knew what I mean... eww~!!! I really don't like it though but I can't stop reading it at first... Hahaha!!! ~pervert!~ Afterward, the story suddenly changed and the next scene was focused on Kadaj... There he was masturbating, dreaming about Cloud not until Sephiroth break in and interfirs on his mind. Kadaj was left confused with wat Sephirotth told him ~I don't know wat he said or wat he meant either cause I was not paying attention really. I was fixed on with the drawings ^^;~ but good thing Yazzo was their on his aid...

And finally the last part Zack and Aeriss manages to appear and later Kadaj was having a conversation with them. He even mistaken Aeriss as his mother just like on the Movie. ^^ Then Yazoo and Loz enter the scene, they were like searching for Kadaj that time and was glad to see him safe and sound... The brothers had their moment together ~Loz was pretty nice here actually. ^^~ after that everybody came to know each other... and then Aeriss and Zack invited the three at home with them...

"But where is home?" - Kadaj

"This is where u'll be staying..." - Aeriss

*There was nothing but... flowers*

"...welcome home" - Aeriss>

So there! That's where it all end up... I feel like wanting more... I'm sooo BITIN!!!!!!! Well anyway, hope u enjoyed that! Again sorry for the poor explaination, I haven't read the whole story yet so please don't mind... ^^ And oh if you want to see the rest of the scanned pics here's a link: http://s55.photobucket.com/albums/g152/Kadaj_Mania

WOOT! WOOT! Bye bye boo! ~^,^~

Kadaj Mania

2006-05-26T04:39:00.000-07:00

Kadaj Mania ~WARNING: Yoai!!!!!!!!!!

Mood: I feel silly. I enjoy carressing my mouse...
Music: Die Another Day - Madona
Food: Mungo "daw" sabi ni mommy for dinner... I HATE MUNGO!!!

Finally an update!!! *takes a deep breath* THIS IS A MIRACLE!!! O_O I can't believe it myself... Maybe I was just a little bit lazy doing it hehe... Well anyway, back to the subject, as I was crusing along Yahoo Japan Auctions ~cause I was looking for BJDs particularly hoping to pass by a Sha fullset pack =^^=~ unexpectedly I came across to one of doujinshi's latest series the "Kadaj Mania" up for auctions... YUP! you read that right... A doujinshi version of our sexy villain Kadaj and yeah it's fairly yoai and it contains a LOT of sexual content as expected... defenitely not recomendable for children...

~hehe I'm not young anymore. I'm old enough to stand these adult stuffs~ (ya sure? -_-; don't think so) ~shut up!~ Incase for those of u who does not know anything about doujinshi or wat it means please let me explain *ahem* ...

"Doujinshi" are short books of manga created by fans about various anime, manga, and video games. ~more of like doing a fanfiction sortta~ (There is also doujinshi about pop stars, but frankly I find that to be a little on the freaky side.) While most of these books are not recognized by the companies that own the trademarks to the series and characters, the Japanese are very tolerant of their distribution - in fact, many mangaka got their start doing doujinshi, and even continue to draw and write it after becoming professional. ~well I just copied and paste this. You can visit the source right here on this site www.angelfire.com/my/nqp/

Now you know what doujinshi means lets move on... to giv u some details about Kadaj Mania doujinshi here are some infos about it... The Mangaka of this manga is Shigasaki Moka (as of what I heard he's still an amateur but his creations are fully prof I can say!) The book contains 40 pages all in all and it's printed black and white. This manga is only available on Japan as of today since it's just been recently released last March 16, 2006... But don't fret. If there is a will, there is a way! If u are starting to have an interest you can always go on to ebay and check out if someone out there who is willing to resell his own manga... Well actually I already searched for one hehe. If ur really interested just e-mail and I could send u the link to an available seller. The price costs $19.99 and the shipping is $3.80 not bad ei? But just a reminder though, if u know nothing about reading japanese laguages I guess you better save extra cash cause the text of this manga is printed as japanese and because it was just been published recently there are no copies of english translation of it yet... so if you don't want to be left looking stupid on whats going on I suggest you get a translation... but u have to have an extra cash for it! Here's a link of where you can get it: http://www.cherden.com/cgi-bin/translation/index.cgi ... the price is $16.99 including the shipping as it says ~yay!~ ^^... But remember! It's only the translation guide so it doesn't include any doujinshi... so better take notice of that.

BUT! If ur poor like me U_U ~sad to say~ and you can't afford to buy these there is a perfect site for us less lucky creatures... I searched on net and I found a site where u can actually download scans of this vesion from the first page to the last... Requirements? Well u just have to have everything needed before u begin downloading this cause you might encounter some errors along the way... Right now I'm having a trouble making the file visible cause my computer is demandng some sort of programs that needed to be installed first. But I'm working on it! ^_^ Soon I'll be able to post some pictures but right now I'm on it... here's the link where you can download the file: http://dragonfly.raygungeisha.com/proj-others.html ... There are three options for downloading this file (Rapidshare, Megaupload, and Savefile) well it's up to you to choose what suits you best... anyway I chose Savefile cause I think it's less demanding and easy, but I think I'm having a problem with it since I needed a program where it could support the file format... ^^; But like I said, I will have it resolved soon... I just needed some time... hehe... Oh! I almost forgot. The characters invlove and paired on this doujinshi is Rufus x Kadaj/Cloud, Yazoo, and Loz others are Zack, Aeriss, Tseng, and Elena... ^.^ Well anyway, I got to go it's currently 11:00pm now and a little while more I'll be heading to bed... so see ya! ^.^ God Bless! *smiles and waves goodnight*

Happy Mother's Day! ~Jenova

2006-05-14T04:39:00.000-07:00

Happy Mother's Day! ~ "We are Jenova's Witnesses!" - Kadaj

Mood: Trying to set a reunion party for mother...
Music: Mama I Love You - Spice Girls
Food: mmmm... forgot? hehehe... ne? ^^;

HA! HA! It's mother's day!!! And we, as Jenova's witnesses should give mother all the attention she deserves! HAHAHAHA!!!!!! ~I'm really acting weird nowadays~ Anyway, I would like to share this video for u mother... hehehe... it's my anthem for u! HAHAHA...

Note: I'm on the back of those kids, but I didn't drank the water... it's like Kadaj pee on it... eww!!! It just turn black when he came in... Sish! Those kids are really desperate. Well, anyway I would like to introduce you to Jenovaism please check this out!

the credit of this video all goes to me... to see the details click on the video for direct linking to the source thank you!

Ang Betlogs ng Pusa Ko

2006-04-20T19:09:00.000-07:00

Ang Betlogs ng Pusa Ko *I just raped my cat* ~eeww!!!

Mood: Naiirita dahil pati bestfriend ko inaaway ako!!! >_<
Music: Lying From You - Linkin Park
Food: Noodles (Lucky Me Beef) *sarap! ^.^

Nung isang gabi I was playing around with my cat... I was completely let's say depressed with the situations in my life that occured recently that time and it's totally driving me crazy! >_< Akala ko pag bakasyon na it's all rest for me now, pero hindi! Haggang ngayon sinusundan parin ako ng dimonyo!!! He keeps on bothering me and ruining my life!!! Well, we can't live without him whether we like it or not... The only way to drive out evil asses is through God's Name... Pero pag ginagawa ko God's will it seems like I'm more drawing myself closer to hell.. Well, bakit ba ako nagrereklamo, buti nga I was born on this generation eh kung nabuhay ako nung panahon ng mga romano siguro pinipersicute na ako! Or maybe I was the one who is persicuting God himself... Maari, baka I'm one of those who cries for His cuxifiction... "Ipako na yan! Psyco!"
Oh Lord, salamat I was born on this time... But somehow even up to this day perhaps I'm still persicuting Him... since the time He suffered, crucified, and died I knew in my heart based from wat is happenning in my life I keep on blaming Him for all of it though I deny it, cause there is this sense of respect but still in other words I'm faking Him... WAH! All of us has ur own ways of persicuting something that is a part of us and it hurts God since He's the one on the center of it...
So there while in the midst of my axiousness and stand stills bunuhos ko lahat ng kabaliwan ko sa pusa ko, who happens to be named after my favorite sexy villian, Kadaj... Yes! Ang pangalan ng pusa ko Kadaj... Buahahahahahahahahahahahha... it's a result of my obsession to FF7 Advent Children... I named all of my pets after AC characters... Like my dog... *don't wanna mention the name* ~TOP SECRET~ Hehehe... Loves na loves ko talaga cat ko! When I was playing with him he kind of seem to be horny I think... Whenever I run my hand to his body he would always position himself where his butt is bended upwards and often pointing it on my face! it sucks I guess... I dunno know if you ever had an experience like that with ur cat (kung meron kau)... I would always have to reposition him but he keeps on doing it... kinda irritating though, it seems like he doesn't know I'm feeling horny myself from the very start! *laughs evil* So satisfy my cats burnning desire I kinda played along with his game... MANIACK TALAGA AKO! Pati pusa di pinatawad... but you can't blame me, it was a result of my deep problem inside me that no one ever tried to fill in... Issue in my life concernning about relationship with my family has been a big problem... because of the artist within me, it has been a block for what I'm suppose to feel and mus'nt feel... It had controled a part of me and somehow all of me...
In the time where I'm in the center where I'm about to be crushed, sandwiched, broken, devastated, ruined, sucked, burgered, destroyed, murdered, crispy fried, roasted like a bar-b-q, raped by the events and tortured to death... WTF! Sumabay pa bestfriend ko! Bigla ba naman nag tampo sakin! Why? cause I don't give a damn thing for her... she thinks I don't have time for her... that there are things far more important to me than our relationship as friends... Ang dinadahilan ko lang sakanya kasi busy ako all the time... I would always tell her that I don't have time for her and I'm too busy with my own thing para at least iba ung ma-isip nya... pero kung alam lang nya ang dahilan, siguro... ewan... whether she knows it or not alam ko naman di ako maiintindihan nun eh... ganun naman un MAKASARILI! Di ba nya maintindihan na may problema ung tao at di makausap... Dinadahilan ko nlng parati ung relatives ko sakanya at busy ako... Tapos ini-isip nya na mas iniintindi ko iba na makausap kesa sya... Di nya ba alam na kaya ko parating kausap si ate Aira is because marami akong problema at wala akong ate na mag-aadvice sakin that is mature enough to help me spiritually and emotionaly sa buhay ko! I want to live my life growing kay Lord and didn't she ever realize that na ako din I'm sacrificing my time na di sya kausap para lang di sya kausap... kakainis talaga!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! basta bliw ako!!!!!!!!

EWAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

One Step Closer to the Edge and I'm about to Break

2006-04-16T21:07:00.000-07:00

One Step Closer to the Edge and I'm about to Break

Mood: I'm about to explode!!!
Music: One Step Closer - Linkin Park
Food: I haven't take my breakfast yet

I dunno... I really don't feel right today... why does it feel night today?? Something's here's not right today... *just singing the Linkin Park song* Anyway, nagaway nanaman kami ni mommy... and for what reason??? Simply lang... dahil sa suklay... umiyak panga ako nun... di dahil sa hair comb kasi naiiyak na ako talaga... when I woke up kasi I found out that my mom was going to bring my niece and our maid along with her for church... since we go to seperate churches therefore I'll go to the other church on my own without anyone escorting me... And right there the thought gave me shot and suddenly I broke into tears... Immediately, I went out sa bahay, took my cellphone, and sat in front of our gate listening to Linkin Park song... I said to myself, I knew she's trying to let me feel bad... trying to get back on me... for all what I've done to her... I just feel that way... but then I said, I don't have the right to even feel bad about it... I just don't have... I have all the blame on me... she said that all of my actions will turn on me one day, but what she don't know is... it's already happening and it's breaking me up into pieces...

Unfortunately, I didn't leave for church... they decided to let me stay to watch over the house... which is suppose to be our maid's job... But it's ok, she disowned me anyway... she told me that she love our maid more than me... I think it's ok... When they left I screamed at the top of my lungs! Nobody heard me cuz I was all alone... I hate it... I don't know if God still loves me... Well He doesn't love people like me... cuz I SUCK!
You got it I SUCK!!!!!!!!!!! FUCK U ALL PEOPLE!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY LIFE IS SO MISSERABLE!!!!!!! I hate it I HATE IT!!!!!!!!!!!

My mom hates me, my dad ignores me, my brothers disown me as their sister, and people just keeps on shitting out of my life!!! so what am I suppose to do!!! I don't know!!!!!!!! I just love God!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T CARE IF HE LOVES me TOO or NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I don't even deserve to be loved back!!!!!!!! I hate myself!!!!!!!!!! I shouldn've done it before!!!!!! Jump off the school building and I'll be dead by now!!!! and the Lord will judge me and reject me... Afterwards send me to hell... and welcome the fires of hades... I don't even know if they will accept me... They might not, cuz I'm too worse for it... But I won't make that way easily... I wanted to live a more longer life to suffer... to witness and feel all kinds of pain in this world and then I will die, a cruel death... I will be left alone in nothing... without anyone... just alone... Ever since I'm all alone... Oh, how I remember those days when people try to backstabb me... it hurts... it hurts so much...

Nothing ever stops all these thoughts and the pain attached to them... Sometimes I wonder why this is happening... It's like nothing I can do would distract me when... I think of how I shot myself in the back again... 'Cause from the infinite words I could say I... Put all pain you gave to me on display... But didn't realize instead of setting it free I took what I hated and made it a part of me... Hearing your name the memories come back again... I remember when it started happening... I see you in every thought I had and then the thoughts slowly found words attached to them... And I knew as they escaped away... I was committing myself to them and everyday... I regret saying those things cuz now I see that.. Took what I hated and made it a part of me... never goes away...And now... You've become a part of me... you'll always be right here... you've become a part of me... You'll always be my fear... I can't separate myself from what I've done... giving up a part of me... I've let myself become you.... Get away from me... Give me my space back you gotta just go... Everything comes down the memories of you... I've kept it in but now I'm letting you know... I let you go so get away from me... I hate you...

shane... <---malas!!!!! >_<

Ang Pagdadalaga ni Kadaj bow

2006-03-17T19:40:00.000-08:00

Ang Pagdadalaga ni Kadaj *bow*

Mood: Hilarious! WAH!!!!!
Music: Better is One Day - Sonic Flood
Food: Vegtables and Sinigang *sarap!*

Dear Daddy Longlegs,
Yes, yes, yes, I know, I know, I know,... My theme is just sick *Lol* (sorry for the Kadaj's fans out there XD)... Actually, I got the idea from "Ang Pagdadalaga ni Yazzo" that I dedicated to my friend Frances who's pretty much has a lot of resemblance with Yazzo which I too was the author. Hehehe... ^^ As you can see Kadaj really needs a reunion. It seems that he just had a parlor but don't get me wrong I didn't do the make-up... really O_O... The pic is odd yet very hilarious... I can't explain it.. I just felt the urge to put it up right here cause it keeps me laughing all the time when I see it... hehehe... Poor Kadaj... whoever did this I half salute you *this pic RaWkS!!!* and half despise you... *YOUR SOO MEAN TO KADAJ!!! >_<*

Anyway, since Kadaj looks like a girl I guess I'm pro to this one... hahaha... ok to fit the overall image I made Kadaj a tribute! Yes, not a another fan art but an AMV... hehehe... hope he likes this... hahaha... or she rather...

Title: Kadaj's Sweet Revenge
Song: Christina Aguilera - Fighter
Author: zHaNE *obvious ba?* o_O

Why and why is the title so? It is simply because the song is about revenge... I thought of this when I was having a bit stand stills with Kristiene... she was starting to be a pain the butt as our companionship as friends increases that it actually led me from hating her! For me hate is a deep word and it means a lot to me so when I used it to her I knew I was in the point of reaching my limits which cause us none of good... I knew I was in the peek of my emotions yet I also knew I'm not stupid... I may be weak inside but God is not... He won't let things go wrong instead He would make it extreme and righteous before Him... That time I lay aside my childish selfishness and rely on God's feelings therefore I was emotionally strong... Moreover the issue had passed and everything has been said... We both learn from the problem and it became a lesson for us... Consideration is a must when you have a friend... it is not only about yourself yet it is a relationship with both persons who have the same beliefs in life... Just like having a relationship with Jesus... He always thinks about you everyday now would you be unselfish enough to do the same? hehe... Life is a traning ground the exciting part is you learn new things along the way but if you don't pass the trials you are just like a fool wondering about in wilderness... So this video is just a witness of my void in my heart that God had healed... I did hate but God taught me how to love by loving me first.. hehe... so if you have a friend better love that person now cause it's now or never... =^o^= God Bless!!!

UPDATE COMING SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

2006-03-15T18:12:00.000-08:00

UPDATE COMING SOON!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Mood: Anxious... I need a lot of things to do... besides computer... ^_^
Music: Not that kind of Girl - Jojo
Food: None... My ate is sick... she can't prepare a snack for me...

Uhm... I AM BUSY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! yes I was and is... hehehe.... I don't know I just felt posting something in here... Anyway, yeah... I am busy... haay... Actually I'm writing my update now and I just don't have the time to post it in here (it's a wonder why do I have the time to post this one o_O) I'll be posting my Update pretty soon... maybe by tomorrow or the next day... but I promise it won't increase a week... hehehe... I still need to scan the pics from our camp retreat and it's pretty needed in my next update... ok I think that's all... well uhm... yeah that's all... ok bye bayu! ^_^

Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children Porcelain Dolls AMV

2006-02-12T18:12:00.000-08:00

Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children Porcelain Dolls AMV

Mood: bored and damn lazy!
Music: Fighter - Christina Aguilera
Currently doing: Downloading Advent Children movie on LimeWire *WAH! Nix wreck my dvd!*

Ya, ya, ya... I was a bit bored and lazy when I was making this slideshow vid... I just can't find anything to keep myself busy since I'm home alone dead on bed flaming with fever... Yesterday, I got sick but I could say I'm a bit fine right now... I guess all I need is a bit of a rest... I don't want to miss school tomorrow so I really have to fight this one... haay... I really wish I could have one of those Porcelain dolls... haay... Right now I'm downloading Advent Children so that I could make a real music video... not just a slideshow... better watch out for it cause I'm gonna make a hella good one.. I swear! hehehe... WAH!!!! I've been online for 3 hours already and only 22% is currently downloaded... WAH!!! this will take me forever!!!! >_<

Anyway, the song is from Slapshock - "Without You" hope you'll enjoy this... ok God Bless!!! ^_^

A Sweet Song of Revenge for my Dearest Friend

2006-02-10T18:12:00.000-08:00

A Sweet Song of Revenge for my Dearest Friend

I hope you won't be offended,
but I do indeed intended
for you to know now,
how I suck you out

You're just like a pill
instead to heal, you kill
but I swallow you in consideration
yet you only see it in confusion

The sacrifice of being with you
seems to make me look like you
tripping down to hell
pulling me through too

I give
and you take
you consume
leaving no clue
as if you're good
without any impure

The realness of you
is opposite from true
turnning the frame around
pointing the blame out
in me without any doubt

Your existence cause vomit
choking me all the hit
that I always hid
of your lies and fears
at least cause I still care
even though I fell
always in your mini hell

but now I assure you
I won't be like you
and it's for now ever true
I'm happy without you
good bye now tululoo...

this will all come back to you
peircing down through in you
even twice or more than you knew
believe me it's true!

I guess that this is where we've come to
If you don't want to,
then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now,
believe me

Yo,
I don't wanna be the one to blame
You like funny and games, keep playin' em
I'm just sayin
'Think back then we was like one and the same
On the right track, but I was on the wrong train
It's like that, now you gotta face the pain
And the devil's got a fresh new place to play
In your brain like a maze you can never escape
The reign, every damn day's the same shade of grey

Hey,I used to have a little bit of a plan
Used to, have a concept of where I stand
But that concept slipped right outta my hand
Now, I dont really even know who I am
Yo, what do I have to say, maybe
I should do what I have to do to break free and
Whatever happens to u, we'll see
But its not gonna happen with me

I guess that this is where we've come to
If you don't want to,
then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now,
believe me

Back then, I thought you were just like me
Somebody who could see all the pain I see
But you proved to me unintentionally
That you would self-destruct eventually
Now I'm thinkin like the mistake that I made doesn't hurt
But its not gonna work cause its
Really much worse than I thought
I wished you were something you were not
And now this guilt is really all that I've got

You turned your back and walk away ashamed
All you got is the memory and pain, nothing makes sense
You stare at the ground,
like hearin my voice inside your head when no one else is around
What do I have to say
Maybe I should do what I have to do to break free
Whatever happens to you, we'll see
But its not gonna happen with me

I guess that this is where we've come to
If you don't want to, then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down
Just so you know now
You're on your own now,
believe me

I guess that this is where we've come to
YeahI, if you don't want to,
then you don't have to believe me
But I won't be there when you go down yeah
Just so you know now
You're on your own now,
believe me

I'm doin' what I have to do
You're on your own now believe me
Whatever happens to you
You're on your own now believe me
What do I have to say
You're on your own now believe meIt's not gonna happen to me
You're on your own now
believe me

Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children Porcelain Dolls

2006-01-21T18:12:00.000-08:00

Mood: Satisfied
Music: Stacie Orrico - I Could Be The One

Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children Porcelain Dolls

Yesterday, as I was searching for pictures of Kadaj (Lately I've been starting to like this character besides Rufus Shinra… I'll tell you why later) I passed by to a blog site *hosted by xanga* where I saw images of porcelain dolls of Kadaj! And man they are so CUTE!!! *grins* Hehehe….

Well cutely creepy rather… as you can see the picture above the eyes are pretty scary and freaky but it totally convinced me that it is Kadaj. In the picture below you can see the similarity of the clothing, eye color, and specially the soft looking hair between the doll and the real Kadaj.

The detail design is absolutely astonishing… Actually when I first saw it I was like wow with eyes wide open and jaw dropped in amazement I was left drooling wishing I could have one of those and the fact that it’s only fan made, made me really amused. Unfortunately, since it is only fan made you can’t find anything like it at the market therefore I can’t possibly own one, unless if you are going to make one for yourself. Wah!!! L *cries*
There were just a couple of pictures shown at the mentioned site so in curiosity I searched the source and found its main but unluckily the site was lettered with Japanese wordings so I didn’t got to understand it and so I decided to search up in up Yahoo instead. A lot of optional sites were given so I had to check them all one by one and I ended up on a forum in Advent Chilren.net where the topic was about exactly what I was looking for. There were no pictures of any dolls posted on the forum but there are URL addresses given where it lead me to a gallery of FF7 AC porcelain dolls raining in abundance. The site was also composed of Japanese wordings but my common sense helped me to navigate the pages without understanding a single word. The site has provided me a lot of what I was expecting of… but some it didn’t like for example…there were no versions of porcelain dolls of Rufus Shinra and some other FF7 characters… but I do understand it though since it is only fan made ones… And speaking of fan made the owner kinda played his dolls with a bit of a twist which is nice because some in the pictures shown below are quite artistic and very creative.

As you observe the doll with the light hair resembles as Sephiroth and the other as Vincent Valentine which is they are. Here are pictures to help you recognize them.

Here are more pictures of Vincent Valentine with skeletons around him and a coffin that are quite strange and creepy

More pictures for Sephiroth and Vincent fans.

The doll that I find really weird besides Vincent’s is this doll image below that is supposed to be Cloud. As you can see unlike in the movie his hair is not blonde here and I didn’t find any image on the site where he is wearing his black costume so it pretty took me awhile before I got to distinguish this doll as Cloud.

This next picture below is obviously and my most favorite from all other dolls that I have seen so far is Yazoo’s. AWW!!!! Isn’t he cute!!! Pouty pretty boys are so hot!!! Hehehe… just by looking at his face makes me go hanyan*^_^*

More pictures of Final Fantasy 7 Advent Children porcelain dolls

WAH!!! THEY"RE ALL CUTE!!! I WISH GOD WOULD GIVE ME ONE ON MY BIRTHDAY!!!

Which Rufus ShinRa from the Compilation of Final Fantasy 7 Are You?

2006-01-02T18:12:00.000-08:00

Mood: Delusioning...
Music: Chemical Romance - Ghost Of You

Which Rufus ShinRa from the Compilation of Final Fantasy 7 Are You?brought to you by Quizilla

Rufus ShinRa from Advent Children

Rufus ShinRa from Advent Children
(also known as the Wheelchaired Man)

Just a while ago I was having this test of which Rufus Shinra character would I be in Final Fantasy 7 Compilation Game in Quizilla.com... The results favored to me cause I got Rufus Shinra from Advent Children!!! *cheers* Just what I'm expecting... hehehe... but I did though answered the questions of coarse related to "the wheel chair guy" so obviously I was expecting that would be the answer... I even got to open the other answer results meaning it was really quite easy and predictable to take up that test and find the answers favorable to you... like this one below...

Rufus ShinRa from Final Fantasy 7

Rufus ShinRa from Final Fantasy 7

Unlike the first picture above Rufus' age there is 27 but here he is only 21 yrs old... Pretty young to handle a big bussiness like Shinra Company... That is why I admire Rufus so much! He is so independent when it comes to handling things... He is the kind of leader like... He could manage things while keeping it in order and at the same time making it prosper and succesful... Oh isin't he awesome! He's handsome, intelligent, and specially... uhm... I think I will not include the cold and aloof side of him... anyway, his smart and cool... and... now moving on...

Rufus ShinRa from Before Crisis

Rufus ShinRa from Before Crisis

Rufus is so YOUNG! as the picture says in here above even though he looks like older from that given age... Hehehe... Actually, right now my age also 15 yrs old... hehehe We both have the same age from Before the Crisis but obviously not now in the present... he is 27 and we have a large age gap... But it's ok! My ideal men are DOM type... meaning "dirty old men"... but don't get it wrong what I meant about the dirty thing is drastic and radical... meaning he is too dirty enough to lead you to the extremes and make your life radical! *bad thoughts go away!* Hehehe... Anyway, I guess that bangs of his saved him from looking old with his mateur face... I guess it served him well and pretty fit him though... but for me the Rufus on Advent Children is the most best ever!!! I like the other Rufus' but I think Rufus AC is better... Hehehe... Oh my I can't stop watching my videos in my website of Rufus... He is so handsome!!! Your perfect type of man... I wish he exists... I would defenitely do everything just to have him if ever... I wish I could dream of him tonight... hehehe...

As I was searching videos on You Tube I saw this music video of Advent Children with a song of Ghost Of You by Chemical Romance... Actually I'm not a fan of the mentioned band and their songs... but I do like some particularly yes the Ghost Of You song... Below is a screenshot taken by me again from You Tube...

I choose this screenshot 'cause really I don't know why I guess my artistic sense just lead me to do it unconsciously... As you can see the man on the left is Kadaj and obviously the other one is Rufus Shinra that is sitting again on his automatic wheelchair... I felt the urge to take this picture because of it's sense of art... Ok ok you might be thinking I'm too overacting on this but artists are too sensitive... they easily see things on a different way... so I find this picture in particular... As you observe the colors were shaded simply with black and white and other added ones... it had created a very dramtical image... the light coming from the open space and the walls blocking the sides in front did make a good cotribution with the light sequence... Also by looking at the picture I feel something that I coudn't explain deep within... Uhm... it's too complicated... I think God only knows and understands what I really feel inside... I guess the artist in me just seems to be kinda confusing... it says some kind of language that you don't understand yet you do in a way... your feelings and sesitiveness seems to serve as your eyes... I know I sound like a drug addict but it's true... pretty weird... it's like a wind... you feel it but you don't see it... you don't know where it's coming from but yet somehow you know when will it appear in existance... Urgh! I'm starting to get delusions again... they say delusioning is a mental disorder quite not normal... but I think if you have control in it... I guess you won't be carried by it... But it's kinda pulling me though... sometimes it serves as my refuge whenever I'm alone... having a world of your own... hehehe... Here I go again... Typing weird things on my blog... but this is me...

Can I ask God? Is this a gift or a curse?

Kingdom Hearts 2

2005-12-29T18:12:00.000-08:00

Mood: Happy
Music: Utada Hikaru - Passion, Hikari, and Simple and Clean

KINGDOM HEARTS 2

Hehehe... Yesterday, in part surfing net I was watching videos at You Tube... of coarse Advent Children... hehehe... I never stop liking and watching AC videos... specially those fan made ones... hehehe... I wish Square Enix create a spoof of that movie like what the producers did to the FF Spirits Within... hehehe... that was quite funny... hehehe... if you wanna watch it go to my website and click the "My Gags" page... just scroll down below and you will find it there... Anyway, as I was searching vids at You Tube accidentally I saw a video of Kingdom Hearts 2 AMV.... It quickly caught my attention cause I never thought there was already a game released Kingdom Hearts 2 although I've already heard of it but I haven't seen the game in action... maybe cause it's not still released here in our country... So ya in other words in my curiosity I opened the vid and watch it... it was an opening intro of the game... AND MAN! It really ROCKS!!! Hehehe... I really fell in the video.... It was so magical and enchanting specially the music that again Utada Hikaru sang entitled Passion... Wow it was pretty cool... I said to myself that time I would definetely have a copy of that game... Unfortunately, we don't have PS2... *sigh* I would rather have a computer than just play playstation... hehehe... In computer you have many options... you can play, surf the net, find informations, watch videos, and play PS games... Yes you read that right... My brother is good in computers and he was able to make PS games work in our computer... how amazing... I wish I'm that good... I could only read codes and hack sites... hehehe... did I just mentioned that? Hehehe... Actually, I have many sins done against internet... hehehe... I could even hack games in the cellphone using online connection... ya ya I'm BAD! But hey, all people have their own bad side you can't blame me... And besides I'm starting a new life... My New Year's resolution is to be a good girl from now on... hehehe... but of coarse i can't do that easily so I'll slowly do the process every other day... Buahaha... I'm eviL... oh by the way.... if you want to watch the KH video intro opening theme you can go again to my website and go to the "My Videos" page and select AMV #14.... I highly recomend you to watch it... It's so cool and awesome... and improved cause the graphics are more fantastic than before... It's almost like Final Fantasy X-2... so cool.... hehehe... better watch it now... it maybe now, later, or never! hehehe.... hey, I'll try to look for videos again of KH to post in my website... that would be.. cool....

Sora trapped

Sora's beautiful eyes confused

Friends Forever

Together forever

ANG TAONG WALANG PAGMAMAHAL SA SARILING BANSA AY HIGIT PA SA MABAHONG ISDA!

2005-12-26T18:12:00.000-08:00

Mood: JOYFUL!
Music: Points Of Authority and In The End (reanimation) by Linkin Park

ANG TAONG WALANG PAGMAMAHAL SA SARILING BANSA AY HIGIT PA SA MABAHONG ISDA!
(A person who dosen't love his own country is more worse than a stinking fish!)

Filipinos are Bio-Lingua... We speak two different laguages even we're not aware that we are doing it... Like "thank you"... it's a word that obviously didn't came from us but it already became part of our language that we speak often.... 75% reason because we are exposed to different types of foreign activities like TV, computer, radio, and other international comunications... And due to the country's low status... We tend to get a job from different countries where salary is given fair enough or even more... And in part because we don't have this love in our own language unlike to other countries... they treasure their language so much... for them it's sacred and it's their orig national treasure... Poor Philippines... (sigh) Ok let's be true enough the main source and reason of this catastrophe is our government itself for being such corrupts! Urgh! I don't wanna point fingers so I will include myself aswell... As an individual we should be responsible not only for ourselves but also in the things around us that's been going on... The problem with us Filipinos is that we are not disciplined, lazy, and we are easily angered... Just look at the drunk men along the corner of the streets... They get angry easily on small things that usualy lead to fatal... We take forgranted small things which leads us to big responsibilities that eventually we cannot control anymore...Let's take matters in our own hands and start with ourselves... Just look around you... that piece of trash that you are seeing right now maybe just a piece of trash but remember it will count on you as a person... Just pick it up and throw it.. it will serve just a matter of seconds but that few seconds that you take effort with will be recorded in the History of the Philippines that I, your name, become a hero of my country not just by picking up a trash but I pour out my power and heart to it because of my love for my own country... And I'm sure Brethren God will honor that... A simple contribution that you have done may be the answer of our victory and the rise of the Philippines once again...specially with God's hand and guidance... Let's make a difference! ^_^

(The picture below is Jose Rizal the Philippines National Hero)

My December

2005-12-24T18:12:00.000-08:00

Mood: Hilarious
Music: My December by Linkin park and Remember The Name by Fort Minor

As I recall yesterday's december 25, my christmas time with my family, honestly I did'nt felt christmas unlike before. For me I feel like the world is moving so fast that I didn't got to realize that it was christmas again. It felt like last year was just yesterday and it's quite strange though cause I even mistaken the date that it was friday and still have two more days to go where obviously everybody knows that seven hours more it's christmas time. I wasn't really aware of it maybe because of the things I'm busy about like my sideline custimizing friendster accounts and my hobby editing my website. It was pretty funny though cause everybody was like all busy and occupide preparing while I 12 hours straight just sitting in my desk with my eyes fixed on the pc monitor and didn't even bother to help... I tried to the simplest way I could but everybody seems too busy enough even bother giving me instructions... and besides it was too late for me to help cause everything was already in shape and we had an early Noche-Buena... My Mom couldn't wait to dig in those delicious meals she had prepared... It was nice having the whole family around complete celebrating a warm night of Christmas... hehehe... too bad we had it celebrated early but it was good... Of coarse who would forget the gift giving? All of us recieved gifts except for my mother who spend a lot to give us gifts while her children have her nothing... All of our pockets seem to have a hole in it... Well, I was planning to give something for mom but unfortunately I lost my money... Also my savings were wiped out due to spending gifts that I distributed last christmas party in our shcool... haay (sigh)... I have no money... too bad... but it was still good though cause I recieved many gifts... hehehehe...

I find my mother's gift the funniest besides the butterflies I ironicaly recieved... she bought me six pairs of coloful, horny panties... hehehe... Actually since last year I've been requesting her to buy me those and now it was granted... hehehe... i'm really happy... I'm really blessed and I thank God for it... too bad for my ate cause the gift my mom gave to her, a pink cute blouse was too short for her cause her chest was too big enough lock the bottons... so it ended it up in my possesion... good thing my mom has another one for her... but it was really quite an insult for me honestly cause it's clearly been said... I have small breast!!! Urgh! I think I'm gonna work on this next year... I'll ask God to give me bigger boobs... no just joking *chuckles* I'm happy of what I am now... God has a purpose in everything... hehehe.... so ya... that's my december..... not less but not much.... everything is just right... I guess I can't ask anything more.... God has given me everything.... a family, a house to live, food to eat, so and so on... He never stops blessing me and my family all through these years and I'm happy about it.....

*runs out of the room right out to the street and shouts, "THANK YOU LORD!!! I LOVE YOU!!!"*

Haay... sigh

2005-12-22T02:27:00.000-08:00

Haay... *sigh*

Haay... (sigh) What a day! After celebrating Christmas party in school the next day I was feeling a bit lazy and tired... though I must be excited cause there will be no classes for a long time and Christmas is coming! But unfortunately I’m not! Hugh… (another sigh) I feel like the world is in my shoulders. Carrying a heavy burden with nothing inside… Ugh! This really SUCKS! I just don’t understand myself today… Yesterday I was not in the mood mag-internet which is very unusual… I never end the day not being able to get online…. Hehehe… I guess Internet is already 1/4 part of my life… So it’s really quite strange… I feel mixed emotions deep inside of me that I can’t explain what it is and how did it happen… It pulls me down so much not only emotionally but also mentally and physically… It’s really quite a stress pressuring me a lot… I can’t call it depression cause I don’t feel depress myself… It’s just a feeling of down and pressured I guess for the things that’s going on today or in the later future… Maybe because these days I’m pretty pressured in my schoolwork specially now it’s our third quarter and I haven’t completed the requirements… It really bothers me lot cause I’m pretty left behind now with my PACE status and I have to catch up with my year… And also another thing stressing me out is that my mother always scolds me every morning cause I always forget to clean my bed whenever I wake up… Uhm… I’m not used to it cause we have a maid in our house and I don’t usually and never do the chores at home… I just go to school, sleep, eat, surf the net, write in my blog (like I’m doing now) and live my life as a queen… SO WHAT AM I COMPLAINING OF! Nothing actually. I just don’t feel excited, happy, or well in some sort… I tried doing things that I don’t usually do to keep myself occupied like helping my ate (a form of respect to a female older than you) with the chores but seems it doesn’t answer everything… I still feel the same old way… I guess I know the answer… but something in me just keep on stopping me from saying it even though it is said clearly in my mind that it is… But I think I’m afraid… Afraid to tell the truth cause I know it will some way affect my whole the way people looks and thinks of me… Cause I’m kind of maintaining this Godliness in me that I should be a model and example to people as a Christian. But lying behind lies will never solve the problem specially if it has gone too far deep down the abyss… It is said in the scriptures that what separates people from God is sin… I don’t want to live my life in a sin and be separated from God… I have to be true and be strong enough to face these problems of mine… I guess the truth is… I am sad… my mind doesn’t know why but my heart keeps on shouting it out... It’s because I don’t have God today and that’s why I feel these unexplainable feelings that is totally breaking me apart… I guess I’ll give myself a moment and talk to God for a while… Meanwhile I’ll shut this pc off and have devotion with God…
*saves the files and shuts the pc off*

WAH!!!! MY DRAWINGS!!!!!!!!!!

2005-07-07T18:12:00.000-07:00

These are my drawings. Cool ba? ^_^ Well, it just represents my inner desire for sinning and I like ANIME! Even it sounds like childish but I look in a different way. Astig KASI EH...
I like the drawings but only most of them. I'm not the type of like "Dragon Ball" and "Sailormon" I go for adultish anime or I'm more in if you may say...

Hatake Kakashi daw?